FEAR
Taming The Mind
So why when we face fear, it gives us hives and the bubble guts?
I know it’s silly to ask, but have you ever felt FEAR to the point that you broke out in hives or had an upset stomach? Fear is a powerful and primal emotion that has accompanied humanity throughout its existence. It is an essential aspect of our survival to identify and respond to potential threats.
Well, its a natural reaction that our body will take. It’s human nature to have fear and at each milestone of adulthood, we face more complex fears. Nevertheless, it is how you deal with those situational fears that will keep your mind, body, and soul intact.
Have No Fear: Embrace the Shadows and Confront
I can remember as a child some scary moments. You know those moments when you would be playing with your friends and somebody would say something to scare you or double dare you to speak in the mirror and say (Candy…., um you know the rest) three times hoping the nameless visitor would NOT visit you to take you off and make sure you are never seen again, lol.
Or do you remember when someone would SCARE you into believing there was a monster under your bed (siblings) and if you got up, the monster would snatch you to a dark place and again with the promise to never be seen again.
But the next day in front of your friends you would act strong and say …..“ I Ain’t scared” even though you really were. They would never know, because your secret was safe with your mama, lol. Those were some real moments for me and I know if you are reading this, it may be some real childhood moments for you too.
Boy, Have We Grown Up
As an adult, the fears are a little different…. We face so many and only you know what scares you the most. As a matter of fact, I am faced with a fear that is well known to many people because of the expectations society puts on you to succeed. This fear can be passed down from generation to generation so it is best to confront, conquer, and teach those around you to do the same.
Truly I am vulnerable when sharing my fears with you, but I feel not only does it help me, but silence helps no one. One more thing before we get into the discussion of fears………For me, confronting these fears have helped me be the person I am still growing into today.
With that being said, I want to tell you about two types of fears that brought anxiety into my life. I will start with
Fear of Failure….
Sometimes, I aim for perfection, but I know that is not optimal, since I know and believe that only God is perfect.
This type of fear has weighed heavy on me and it can be so daunting to the fact that you truly feel that you have not accomplished anything and you have no purpose. I use to question myself asking God to reveal my purpose because to me I couldn’t understand what was my purpose for my life.
As we become more conscious of societal expectations and personal ambitions, the fear of failure can loom large. We can fear not living up to our own standards or the expectations of others, leading to anxiety and self-doubt.
This fear of failure then turns into rejection as well. Once this happens this mindset can deter you from taking risks, expressing yourself authentically, and preventing you from forming meaningful connections.
This has always been a fear of mine. As an educated woman, I aim to be the best at all that I do so failure and rejection loomed over me for a long time. My standard was perfection (Fear of Failure). Oh did this fear beat up on me to the point that my body and my mind was exhausted.
My quote was “Failure was not an option”. To me, I could not fail in my career even though I knew I didn’t have control over people and how they dealt with or treated me. I could not fail in my marriage. I definitely could not let my children fail. Basically in my eyes, I did not want to fail in anything! That was exhausting. Why?…………..
Can I get an Amen
I did not recognize that the fear of failure was all about perfection. I am not perfect. You are not perfect and as my mama oh so often has quoted to me by saying, “Joy, say this quote below daily.”
God Grant Me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to the know the difference.
If you know me personally, you know how I struggled with the Serenity prayer. It was hard for me to listen to those word nevertheless trying to repeat them. I truly had a fear of failure and rejection.
How do you conquer?
Well, it took time. I’m 51 now and it took me until age 46 to really understand, meditation, internal joy, and acceptance is how you conquer the fear of failure and rejection.
The second type of fear I struggled with was…
The Fear of the Unknown.
If you have struggled or is struggling with the fear of failure and rejection, the fear of the unknown and the fear of change becomes a part of the mix. This was another fear of mine. Not so much the fear of change, because I can handle that, but the fear of the unknown scares me.
The comfort of the familiar can outweigh the potential benefits of stepping into the unknown, which then traps us you in stagnation that encompasses feelings of uncertainties about the future and life’s unpredictability. This fear can lead to anxiety and a desire for control.
I am a control freak.
However, presently I am a softer control freak, lol. Meaning I try to let go and let God. Pray for me, y’all. Really and I mean really……….I truly have to know the ins and outs of everything that affects my life. This type of fear blocks blessings and shun others from helping you to figure it out. Are you there, too?
Oh my, CONTROL…. My struggle is real. What about your struggle? It’s hard to get a grip on the fear. Sometimes you are haunted by the thought of not knowing what to do or what’s to come. You plan way in advance. You try to make sure failure is not in the future for you or the ones you love.
I remember when my first born was into super heroes. He was so much into them. As a kid he wanted to have the super powers just like his favorite super hero. His favorite super hero at the time was.
So one day coming home from school, my fear came into play. I was driving my husband’s truck (big bubba truck, Dodge Ram) and my son was in the back seat. When I parked the truck in the driveway of our home, opened the back door, unbuckled my son from his car seat (He was 5 yrs old) so he could get out and low and behold as I am walking away, my son decided to become superman. He yelled “SUPERMAN” as he jumped up high from the truck and landed on the pavement head first. He started crying and I rushed to get him up only to see a huge bruise bleeding from his forehead.
I was devastated. I teared up. With him in my arms, I ran into the house to comfort his oh so big bruise. So you are wondering what was the fear?
Well, the fear was me thinking way into the future (next day and days to follow) of how other kids were going to treat him. Were they going to pick at him? Will he be sad? Can I tell the teacher to make sure no one says anything to him about the bump on his head? Do I need and I did buy coco butter to go put on his bruise nightly to ensure no one laughs at his head? I worried daily until the bruise was no more. It was a true fear of the unknown. Although this is a funny childhood story, I am that way about everything especially if I don’t know what the outcome will be. I am playing all possible scenarios in my head until I am satisfied with trying to figure it out. That is in all aspects of my life………
How do you confront and conquer?
Despite the myriad reasons to avoid confronting your fears, facing your fears can be a transformative experience that brings about personal growth, increased resilience, and a deeper sense of fulfillment.
It requires you to have self-awareness and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone. You want to get to the point that you are growing personally, increasing and expanded your horizons to improve relationships and commitments that you have set.
Ultimately, facing your fears is not about eliminating fear from your life but learning to navigate it with courage and wisdom (I have learned to do that). It is about acknowledging that fear is a natural part of the human experience, however, the goal is to use your fears as a catalyst for growth and self-discovery. It’s ok not to know or to have control. It is truly an internal joy that comes over you when you confront your fears.
Remember, you are not alone; countless others including me have walked and/or walking this path to confront and conquer fear. It is my belief that each person will emerge stronger, wiser, and more fulfilled on the other side. So I say to you, let’s join the journey together because fear really means
Face Everything And Rise, my friend!
Let’s have a community conversation. Tell me about a time you had to face something that brought on fear. Did you conquer it or are you still going through the process? It can be big or small.
Want some additional tips to help you with conquering fear. I have an audio podcast where I continue to dive deep. Click below
